I felt bad, but it did not really sink in. Sharada was a beautiful lady, very dignified in her fresh white sarees. I always saw her smiling, welcoming. About ten years ago, I had given her a foot massage.
We had once discussed the writing of a cook book, titled 'Recipes for Enlightenment.' I think Ramesh dissuaded us, as he was always against recipes for enlightenment. :)
I searched the net for a photograph of hers, but couldn't find it.
I connected with an old friend, asked him to go meet Ramesh and let me know how he is. It was his email that brought home the pain.
It is one thing to be prepared for your own death. But how on earth does one sort out the passing away of the other? And yet, it must be done,....
I went to satsang today. Rameshji did look fragile but the regular guys said that he was looking much better than last week. He had to be helped to his chair by an attendant. He was otherwise very calm and collected. His voice was weak. He came in at 9.30 am and was there for about an hour. He answered all questions put to him - but he answered them with a certain preciseness, wasting no words. His message was very concentrated. The regulars were saying that for three days before Sharadaji went he had spoken about death. There were several occasions during today's satsang when the entire group dropped into a really calming silence, sometimes for over three minutes.
All in all, it felt good to be there with him. Once again, deep gratitude arose for his Teaching and an irrepressible love surged for him in this form.
From what I hear from Shivdas (their son), Sharadaji complained of uneasiness the night before and the doctor gave her some medication. A little before 3 am she was uncomfortable and within half an hour she had passed away peacefully at their home. Someone else told me that once she had passed away, Rameshji calmly lay next to her with his characteristic 'hand-under-the head' posture. Don't know if that's true. But Rameshji said at today's satsang that they had both sorted out the passing away of the other, among themselves, ten years ago.
Here is a beautiful song that is sung every morning at Ramesh's satsang.
May your form be in my heart, and your name on my mind.