Missing, doing, Papa

So what does a child learn when Papa is out of town for long periods?

He learns about time.

'When will Papa come?'

'Two weeks more, kiddo.'

'Two weeks? That means seven days, no?'

He learns about the net.

'Is papa online or off-line?', he asks and plonks himself on my lap to chat with my friends. Most of them know its him by the QQQQQQQQ and XXXXXXXX he so loves to type.

Sometimes Papa calls him and yells, 'oye, don't drive a cycle on the keyboard.'

'No, Papa, I am just playing the piano. Ja ji ju ja ja ja ju ja ji ji....'

He learns about post and parcel.

'But Papa, why can't you send me the helicopter flying?'

'I can, but how will you get the remote then?'

He learns about direction.

'This way is the south. Bangalore is in south. My papa lives in Bangalore.' I overhear him telling his friends, showing them his magnetic key chain.

He learns how to visualize people.

'Where are you right now, Papa?' he always wants to know.

'I am on my cycle. I am going to the college.'

'You are going to college to study?'

'Yes, Pavan.'

He gets a gist of politically correct gender awareness.

'Mother is making a movie. Papa is studying. Papa is learning to make vegetables for poor people.'

He learns to kiss photographs. And, maybe, he learns to dream of sitting on Papa's shoulders.

Boys should cry

This morning I heard a sound I had almost forgotten. Tukru was howling loudly from the bathroom. I left the roti on the tawaa to burn and ran to him.

'Two big spiders ran over my back,' he cried, naked, wet and frightened out of his wits.

'It's ok babu, spiders don't bite, I will clean the bathroom of all the webs today, ok?' I bathed him and wrapped him in the big blue towel, all the while wondering at the effect of his howling in my stomach.

The last time he had howled was when he was learning his bicycle, and often came home bleeding from both knees. Inside the bathroom, papa holding him tight as I cleaned the wounds with savlon, the howls would amplify to maximum volume.

But that was over six months ago. Although he is not yet allowed to cycle out of the complex, he has become an ace cyclist. He doesn't fall and doesn't howl anymore. He does weep and cry softly when I make him stand against the wall, or when I take away his cycle keys and make him study / go to bed / eat, whatever he is supposed to do.

This transition from howling to weeping, is it a healthy sign of growing up, or is it a process of learning to repress feelings, I know not.

It is a reminder for me, to stay in the present, to enjoy is childhood, to cuddle him and to baby him. I won't be able to save him from spiders for long.

Some old rose petals for his birthday

I met Ramakrishna on an important turning point in my life. From blind faith to blind conviction.
From Siddhayoga to Advaita. From Gurumai Chidvilasanda to Ramesh Balsekar. In fact, I would safely assume that Ramakrishna facilitated the Guruhop.

Those days and nights were very sweet, almost diabetic. Bhajans and satsangs and deep blue clouds in meditation sessions. Chanting Guru Om in the early mornings with Gurumayi in the ashram at Ganeshpuri. Listening to Shree Ram, Jay Ram, Jay Jay Rama in the dining hall, drinking tea from the orange tea cups. And then the elaborate Darshan, with Gurumayi looking like a royal princess in one of those hats she wears with such grace.

'It is all Grace', she said, then added, 'but self - effort is needed too.'

'How can that be?', I wrote on a chit and passed it to her, 'If all is grace, where is the scope for self effort?'

'If it is all his will, then where is mine?'

The question followed me around as I browsed in a book shop in Poona and the Gospel of Shree Ramakrishna sat upon my lap. It is by far the thickest, heaviest, two volumes of hard bound that I ever bought. And of all the books that I have loved, I have cherished the Gospel the most. It has rose petals stored since over twelve years, in those special pages.

Including the page where he answered my question. 'The wise man knows that he is the Chariot and that the lord is the charioteer.'

Now that I knew what the wise man would say, it wasn't long before I found him. I thank you, Ramakrishna, on your birthday, for coming to me as Ramesh.

Although Ramesh does not sing and dance like this, and says he cant smell flowers, he does let me touch his feet, for as long as I need.

Digital Documentary Workshop

DIGITAL VIDEO DOCUMENTARY WORKSHOP

Objective

These days, online audio visual communications is the name of the game. Video equipment has become easy to use, and a lot of people are making amateur videos. This is a very healthy step towards self–expression, and autonomy.

However, there is a clear scope for improvement in the quality and clarity of the medium.
The objective of this workshop is a practical, hands on experience that enables a thorough learning of the step by step process of making a five minute video documentary.

This workshop will enable the students to conceive, script, shoot, edit and upload their own video films.

Benefits for Corporates and NGO's : Corporate communications mostly rely on PPP's and still photographs for their presentations. Or, they hire filmmakers to make video films to raise funds, to showcase a project, etc. Why not make your own films? It will be cost effective, and the time spent in dealing with a filmmaker will be saved. This is a unique opportunity for companies to upgrade their talented employees' skills by enrolling them in this workshop.

Course Content

1. Script writing

This includes observation trip, discussion, and writing the audio visual script of a five minute film. Idea and concept development, story boarding, paper planning.

2. Cinematography

Camera operations, basics of film grammar. This will include the main aspects of shooting a five minute video with a mini DV ( Digital video camera).

3. Editing

Elements of Editing will be taught, with the practical inputs of Non-linear Editing software like Adobe Premier Pro, a professional editing software. Each student will get hands on experience of editing the material which they have shot.

4.Launch your documentary on the Internet.

Students will learn about web friendly formats and the short video films will be uploaded on your website, blog or You-tube. Strategies and plans to become popular over the net as a documentary filmmaker will be discussed.

Schedule

We have two batches, one is a four weeks batch, which starts on 10th March and ends on 4th April. In this batch, the class timings will be 2 pm o 4 pm, on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday.

The total fees for this batch will be Rs. four thousand only.

The weekend batch, which is specially designed for working people and students, will be on 15th (Saturday), 16th (Sunday), 22nd (Saturday), and 23rd (Sunday) of March. The timings will be 2pm to 6pm on Saturdays and 10am to 2 pm on Sundays.

The total fees for the weekend batch will be Rs. three thousand only.

For registration, please contact Manjushree on 9898872862.

The classes will be held near Judges Bungalows, Vastrapur, Ahmedabad.

Course Structure

The objective of this workshop would be to use a real and happening event, or a place, as a subject for making a documentary film of five minutes duration. The students will get hands on experience of shooting, and they will actively participate in each stage of the editing.

STAGE 1

Concept, Research, Script writing and Story board. ( 4 into 2 hr. sessions )

By popular consensus, the class will arrive at a topic for research (for ex., child labor in the city). Then we shall go for an observation trip, to research and contact the possible subjects.

A detailed discussion of all that was seen and heard will set the tone for the shooting script. The points that are noted will be structured to form a shooting script. This will be a preparation to get into the mindset of shooting.

We shall also see some good documentary films and discuss them from a professional angle.

STAGE 2

Using a digital video camera and shooting. ( six into 2hr sessions ) *

The next step is learning how to use a digital video camera, how to record both sound and picture in a non-controlled environment.
We shall also discuss the rules of composition while framing for an interview, how to use the available light, some basic terms like mid shot, long shot etc.
The most used camera movements, like pan, tilt, zoom in will also be introduced. They will learn how to conduct interviews, with / without a tripod.

The students will then plan and shoot. Everyone will get a chance to operate the camera.

STAGE 3

Editing. (six into 2 hr sessions.)*

The principles of Non-linear Editing will be taught, with the help of clips from various films. Students will be introduced to an easy to use, professional Editing Software, Adobe Premier pro 2.0.

Capturing and watching the rushes, selecting the ok shots (sorting), and re-thinking of the structure of the edit. After this, we fine cut the film. Every student will learn the basic operations of the editing software. The theoretical aspects of Editing will be taught in conjunction with their practical application. When the film is done, we will convert the video to a web friendly format and upload it on You Tube.

A discussion on how to launch yourself as a documentary filmmaker on the net will end the one month workshop.

If students have their own cameras, or computers, they are welcome to bring them so that they can learn how to use their own equipment. However, it is not mandatory to bring your own equipment.

*( Whenever more time is required, for example in shooting, it can be planned on a weekend. Editing may also spill over.)

Teacher’s profiles

Manjushree Abhinav

I am an alumnus of FTII, (Film and Television Institute of India, Pune) and I have fifteen years of experience as a documentary filmmaker and Teacher.

I have made several documentary films for NGO’s in Ahmadabad and Delhi. I have taught at NID (National Institute of Design, Ahmadabad) and at FTII.

To view one of my documentary films, click here.

Manjushree.abhinav@gmail.com, Blog : www.Baktoo.blogspot.com

Mehul Upadhyay

I am an Electronics Engineer. I have been exploring digital filmmkaing for last four years.I am holding position as Director (strategy & planning) for FTFM to spread visual literacy across the globe.

I have conducted successful Digital film making workshops at premier education institutes of India like IIM-Ahmadabad,IIT-Bombay, IIT-Delhi, IIT-Roorkee, BITs Pilani and other institutes. Recently I have conducted Advance level Digital film making workshop at IIT-Bombay which contains special effects stuff,advance camera movements and advance lighting.

Skills : Photography, sketching, editing, cinematography, direction, concept development, acting, all aspects of Digital Film making, poetry, cross platform sharing of multimedia softwares, online teaching.

Fields of Interest : dance, music, Interaction design, Web applications.

Happy feet returns

I saw this cute video while doing some research for a documentary script about saving the planet, by not using plastic. This is a nudist beach type, copy of happy feet type, a comedy which sports a message: Hug to keep warm.

As a film maker, I cant help but wonder, where on earth did they find all those penguin looking artists? I cant even begin to imagine how and where I would have to go to make a similar film in India.

Talking of Happy feet, here is a trailer. A delightful movie. Maybe too blue and white, but thats what firangs think kids like.

The absent colours of Advaita

How hard can you be hit by Love?

Sometimes I forget the name of the beloved. Sometimes I forget that white has all colors in it. Sometimes I confuse white with black. Yesterday I forgot that my Guru has a teaching.

Everyone, including a pup, has a mind. Ok, some people may have a worn-torn bundle of thoughts which they drag along, but hardly ever is it empty.

We were sitting on the lawn of her home, seeking answers from each others bundles. We were trying to understand 'the individual's responsibility' in a world where God does everything.

'So Ramesh does not ask you to be mindful, to be aware?', she asked. (Read Ramesh Balsekar, advaita teacher in Mumbai.)

'Nope.' I replied.

'Then he must be a jerk.' she said.

'Well. You could call him that.' I said, half conscious.

'Then even you are a jerk.'

'I maybe.'

On my way home, the tube light lit. Ramesh does have a teaching. A method to understand the teaching. A spiritual practice. Just because I never questioned his basic, Fatoti theory, (short for Functioning of Totality), I never bothered to go through the doership inquiry method he prescribes. I always thought, Oh, thats for the intellectuals. I can chuck this class. I can happily go on with my life.

Being happy can lead you to being called a jerk. Which I don't mind, least of all from a friend. But my Guru, he ain't no jerk. He can talk the most head heavy seeker into silence. In hindi, bolti band karaa dena.

And the spiritual practice that he preaches, is not even compulsory. If you are used to a spiritual practice, and you want to know, 'Yes, Ramesh, I agree with you that there is no individual doer, but, till the time that this understanding reaches my gut, is there anything I can do, to ... pass the time?' (This is the politically correct approach. If you ask, can I do anything to speed up to the big E, he will say Nope. Can a particle of dust speed up to get out of the dust storm?)

Here is the doership inquiry : Take twenty minutes off, in the evening, or whenever you have the time during the day, sit in a comfortable position (not with a straight back, this is not a discipline). If you need a cup of tea, coffee to be comfortable, have it, if you like beer, you can have that too. Switch off your mobile, ensure that you are not disturbed, and go through the events, the deeds of the day. Single out a few actions that you feel proud / guilty of, that you are convinced that you have done, and find out if it was you who did them.

Well, I don't need twenty minutes. I get Fatoti out of my bundle in a second. Yes, it gets tossed and lost in the storm, but occasionally, we collide.

This is a Ramesh take on Ramana Maharishi's self-inquiry, 'Who am I ?' I am so and so because I do such and such. I am, because I do. So question what I do, and bit by bit, if you are lucky, if it is part of the Fatoti, the doer fades out and only 'I' remains.

The girl wiith black hair

This painting reminds me of a sketch I studied during the FTII days. It was a sketch of an old woman and young woman in one. A change in perspective, and the image transforms. I remember what the young woman looked like, also the older woman, but I cannot visualize them together.

This black hair girl is all cinema. Scroll down slowly and see how your perspective tracks back.

The aunties with a scooter-paster.

'Ai, can I have the scooter-paster?' asks my seven year old.

'The what?'

'The scooter - paster.' he repeats, rubbing his hands, smudged black.

'Oh, your cycle chain has come off again, right?'

'Yes.'

'So you need the screw driver, honey, not scooter -paster.'

'Yes. Same thing. Give me fast, no. All my friends are upon my cycle. They will break the chain.'

So we go out, armed with the scooter- paster, no screw driver.

Its not the boys, but three aunties that are upon his upturned bi-cycle, pulling and pushing the chain, getting their manicured hands dirty.

Its an eerie sight, but I can stand it. These aunties look after my kid in the evenings when he cycles around the block, so I cant mess with them.

The boys, however, are distraught.

'Mummy, please. You will break the chain.'

'Auntie please. We will go to the cycle repair shop.'

'Don't pull so hard, auntie. You will break the chain.'

The mostly dormant feminist in me suddenly awakens.

'Don't worry boys. Let them do the job. Cycle chains don't break so easily. Move away.' I say.

Within two minutes the chain is back in its place. And boy, are we aunties proud of ourselves.

I invite the aunties home to wash their hands, but they decline. I suspect they want to show off the mehendi to their husbands.

An intimate adventure

How would I feel, if I suddenly find myself all alone, deserted, and not know my way home?

Those carefree days, when I was hippying around near Dharamshala, in Himachal Pradesh. The rainbow camp, where we cooked our own food and slept in tents. I forget the name of the hot springs, but I remember the light colors of stones in the clear waters. The river flowing down from the not so distant Himalayas, the smell of fresh wild flowers. The chanting of the gayatri mantra with fellow devotees, while we were clearing up the mess, burning the waste.

'Om Bhu Bhuvaswaha. Tat savitur Varenyam. Bhargodevasya dhimahi. Diyo yonah Prachodayat.'

Somehow, the crowd dispersed, somehow I landed on a footpath in the late afternoon, my shoes wet from the river, the backpack heavy with the woolens. How could they go off without me? There were more than three groups, and each must have thought I am with the other.

I was all alone in the middle of God knows where, there was not a soul in sight, not even a stray dog. It was around four, which gave me a couple of hours to find civilization. I had two choices. To walk up the road or down. Down was the camp we had just vacated, up I could see the glorious Himalayan peaks.

It was scary, to be lost in such a vast space. But I was also thrilled, this was a first in life moment. This is something every person must experience at least once in her life. To be lost in nature.

I started walking up. No sound, other than the breaking twigs under my feet. A silence throbbing with itself. A silence lovelier than music. The entire universe was so silent, so aware, so enlightened.

After a few minutes, the fear left as the awareness enveloped me. All the trees, the sunlight, the valley below, the mountains above, the very air, were showering on me something that felt very protective. I realized that I had never felt so free and so safe in my entire life.

After a couple of hours the landscape opened up, the road widened, the trees receded and as the sun turned crimson, the fear came back. Alone and lonely interchanged, as the angels went off duty, for a tea break.

Angels have a bird eye view, and must have seen the approaching Bus from the other side of the mountain. Can any other sound be as heartening to a woman lost on an unlit highway? And how beautiful to hear it's low grr at first, and slowly the volume goes up and two stars appear in the distance and become bigger like moons and then blazing suns.

The Bus stopped and I hopped on. A combination of emotions flooded me. One was relief, thank God, and a vague sense of regret for end of the intimate adventure with silence.

A dream flying away...

Was it not King Janaka who went nuts trying to answer this question : Am I the butterfly who is dreaming that I am a King?

In my dream last night I told myself that I must blog this. That this is as true as it gets.

I was flying, well, not exactly. There was a rope attached to the top of the building, and I was swinging, like spider man, all over the place, with grace, confidence, and, utter joy.

Then, within the dream, arose a memory, in the shape of another dream, of a past where I have flown over clouds, sans rope. All it took was intent, and up....I bounce, tree-tops tilting down.

Flying dreams are gifts, hugs from the dream angel. I wonder if I will ever meet him to say thank you.

I did meet his sister yesterday, when I was watering plants on a large plot of land in the university campus. Maybe he was also around, and heard my singing...

Gandhiji comes to the mountain

I dug out my copy of 'Living by the words of Bhagwan', by David Godman, a book where years ago I read about Gandhiji's visit to my favorite place, Tiruvannamalai.

Either it was some other book, or I missed looking at the very page that Gandhiji came to the mountain. The good part of any research activity, and that includes looking for your keys, is that you find many things you did not expect. And sometimes they are so interesting, so beautiful, so soothing, you forget what you were looking for.

'The Guru's grace,' says Ramana Maharashi, the sage of Tiruvannamali, 'befalls on him who, in his previous births, has gone to many holy places for long periods of time. By this virtue alone he develops faith in the Guru.'

Faith in the Guru happens when there is faith in the teaching. A teaching so simple, so straight, so quickly rejected by the intelligent, so quickly accepted by the devotees, so easily forgotten by the do-gooders, and so sadly misinterpreted by the fundamentalists.

Was it class three or four, that I had a subject called community living at school. In the book, there was one sentence that writ itself on my heart.

God is everywhere!

And so there was no arguing with Ramesh when he said,

All there is, is Consciousness

in other words,

Everything happens by the will of God.

Back to the book. An old man, about to die, scared to die, comes to Ramana .

Old man: I am a sinner! I am going to go to hell! Bhagwan, do something! I don't want to go to hell.

Ramana: I am there too.

Thus the leela goes on. God is everywhere but he (and she), seeks himself, over and over again, through the seekers.

Annamalai swami, on whom the book, 'Living by the words of Bhagwaan', is written, is a life long disciple of Ramana. Without any formal training in building, Annamalai built the Ramana ashram. Ramana designed the space, Annamalai swami gave shape to his dreams. His excuse to live in the proximity of his master, manifested itself in the making of a temple.

He remembers ( I remember), when Gandhiji visited Tiru. Ramanashram is situated on the outskirts of the town. So if there was any happening event in town, news would trickle to the ashram. Gandhiji is in town! He will be passing by the gate of the ashram in his jeep!

All the ashramites, accept Bhagawan, flock to the gate. Annnamalai swami crosses the road, to
get some breathing space, I guess. He sees Gandhiji sitting by the driver in the open jeep (probably doing his Pradakshina on four wheels).

Annamalai swami joins his hands in greeting. Gandhiji returns the gesture, his face breaking into that heart-winning smile of his. The jeep passes by. Annamalai feels an anticlimax.

'Why didn't Bapu come and meet you?' he later asks Ramana.

'Probably because God has other plans for him,' answers the wise one.

An Afghan student is about to be killed

A young Afghan student, about 21 years of age has been sentenced to death for circulating an article that criticized fundamentalist's misrepresentation of Islam to justify women oppression.

The Afghan Senate has already declared a motion to confirm the death sentence and clerics are demanding his execution to be held as soon as possible. Please, there still is a possibility of overturning this sentence if the international community puts pressure on the Afghan government. If we collect enough signatures, we can compel the UK Foreign Office to intervene before it is too late.

It only takes a second. To sign the petition, CLICK HERE

You can read the story in the Independent: CLICK HERE

---

This was the forward that I forwarded to all my contacts. Since I have a secret blogging address (which I used when I used to blog from my work pace ), the mail got posted in my blog too.

What I would really like to know is that, do these forwards really work?

I mean, will this Afgan live?

And, how will I ever know of it?